My previous post  You Can’t Make People Feel Stupid dealt with ways leaders can effectively deal with accountability. This piece is how you hold yourself accountable.

I never did like getting in trouble. One, because I didn’t want people upset with me; and two, because I pretty much was a perfectionist from the beginning.  That is a very dangerous road on which to travel because you always feel you have to give the appearance of getting it right: a pretty big burden to carry which leads to an insane amount of stress.

Most of my early bosses either ignored me when I made mistakes or were brutal in addressing any inadequacies I had; both strategies made me feel either unimportant, small or ashamed.

The game-changer for me happened when I was in the corporate world as a newly hired learning and development manager. The industry was new to me, and I had a huge learning curve. As can happen in the pressure cooker of a corporate environment, I dropped the ball on a major component of my job. It should have cost me my job because it cost the company thousands of dollars in penalties and my boss’s boss had to spend time in court.

This is how it played out.

I got a call on a Sunday morning (highly unusual) from my boss who told me there was a serious situation, and I needed to meet him in his office that afternoon. I knew something was terribly wrong and I immediately went to cya mode even though I didn’t know what I did.

We met, and he told me the major error that I had made. Then he gave me advice that forever changed how I dealt with mistakes. Here’s a synopsis of what he said to me:

‘First, you have 12 hours to figure out how and why you dropped the ball and how you will correct this mistake.  You will write a process that ensures that this will never happen again.

Second, first thing tomorrow (Monday) morning, you will go to the General Manager and 1) apologize for the error 2) accept responsibility 3) tell him that you have revised and refined this particular process and closed the loophole so this ball will not get dropped again.

He has every right to fire you, but this may lessen your consequences. Regardless, you will handle this as a consummate professional.’

Needless to say, I did exactly as my boss directed. When I entered the GM’s office, my fear was palpable as was the GM’s mood (he didn’t say a word except ‘Come in’). I was shaking inside, but at least I knew I had done all I could to fix the problem. He listened, told me to return to my office and that he would give me his decision about my job later.

But it was my boss that made all difference: he showed his support for me, even though he knew I had messed up in a big way. He gave me the plan and the confidence to face the facts.  His guidance also gave me an enormous amount of emotional strength: another confirmation that emotion matters at work – negative emotions like fear and shame are not good places in which to make decisions. Self-management and self-awareness were key in this situation.  By the way, I kept my job.

In a nutshell, here’s what you do when you’ve screwed up:

1. Own the mistake
2. Apologize for the mistake
3. Fix it so the mistake never can happen again.
4. Face the music

We all need courage and strength to face difficulties, but we also need those around us who can give us wisdom and compassion.

(Thanks, BG!)